Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
