Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
jump out the window naked night went bad
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
