Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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