Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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