my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
