very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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