You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
