If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
