I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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