dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
