Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
