he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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