I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
sex in a hospital.. check
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
