The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
