Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
