Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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