anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
