Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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