I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
