Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
