Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
