he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
