I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
