im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
