if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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