I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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