Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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