I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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