I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
