So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
