I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
