Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
