im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
