you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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