So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I want to make a zoo with you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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