He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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