My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
