just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
