I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We just shotgunned beers for America
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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