the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
