found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
