I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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