Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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