you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
