it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
