Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
