Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
