Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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