FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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