Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
