Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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