thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize
