I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
