I got chris browned last night
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
