Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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